The Vaccination Campaign of the Pigeons of Paris 

BREAKING HEADLINE, JAN 22, 2022

"A COMPLETELY  SENSICAL & SATIRICAL OPINION"

- COMMUNITY GUEST SUBMISSION

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Vaccines, vaccines! Going once, going twice, sold! 2022, after a year and a half of a growing pressure-pot vaccination campaign, the vaccines are becoming obviously obligatory, but rolled out in a method that does not force the population to comply. Instead, the strategy is slowly limiting the liberties of the people, until it is the people who chose to inoculate themselves with a foreign substance. As people march on, march on, and express their frustrations with the suppression of their liberty, equality, and brotherhood, the target market and supporting statistics are becoming easier to calculate and mold like play-dough into "incomplete" words of weapons. No vaccine, no café, no vaccine, no ciné, no vaccine, no liberté. If the vaccines eradicated the virus completely, of course, people would jump in line to be the first one to receive this injection of wonder. However, with billions of dollars invested into these companies who are racking up people's data faster than the internet, the vaccines do not eradicate the virus. From a business perspective, it only allows the monopoly of medical professionals to lighten their work load while evading the inevitable need of forming and training more health professionals to be capable of managing sanitary crises such as these, without affecting others' lives. Eliminate the competition, monopolize the profits, and lighten the work load. What an exotic business plan. It must work, right? 

 

As an observer of this worldwide folly, I am beginning to question the efforts of the governments, and the seriousness of their methods on the vaccine campaign trail. What about the f****** pigeons!? 

Why haven’t the pigeons of Paris been vaccinated? Where is the bloody campaign to vaccinate the pigeons of Paris? They fly freely, they frequent cafés, bars, restaurants, cinemas, parks, train stations, and almost every road in Paris. These pigeons eat everything and release their "pressures" everywhere! Most of all, they don’t stop making a rolled  « hoot hoot » noise every single place they go. This is, or should be, the main target market for this well-orchestrated vaccination campaign. The 520 million euros that pharmaceuticals has invested into the land where "the horse is higher than the man" to aid in the fight against the unforeseeable virus, at least 260 million should be allocated towards vaccinating the pigeons of Paris. They are out of control these pigeons. Someone, or some «thing» must take away the liberties of these pigeons until they understand that they are living in a human's world, and not their own. Whether it be a vaccination against a virus they don't give a flying "hoot" about, or injecting tracking devices into their small and fragile corps so that they can scan in to every public place they go. These pigeons seem to only cause uproar; rumor has it there was one flying around with a mini yellow vest. Who knows how it got there. The pigeons of Paris should be taught a serious lesson, and a quick one. You pigeons are not free, you benefit off the crumbs of the hardworking people and you crap on successes of the industrious human population. Yes yes, even though the humans pollute your clean air and lay concrete over every single natural reserve of land, you pigeons need to be reminded who is the boss. 

 

From January 22, 2022 as self-proclaimed president of no body and no state, I declare that the vaccination campaign of the Pigeons of Paris has commenced. I order any and every citizen, whether working or on social care, when presented the opportunity, to verify that each pigeon has fulfilled its obligatory duty to get a complete vaccination regime of 99 injections against the virus and it’s variant alphabet cousins. This is the only way they will be permitted to enter public spaces. Sorry pigeons, we have no idea of the long term effects these vaccines might incur, but we are sure, with the billions invested in this revolutionary prototype, we the humans will not be disappointed in the pigeon consumption of our "unproven-over-time" drugs. We are sure that you pigeons must be dying to find out! Take note, with these 99 injections you will be granted your automatic tracking device chip, brought to you by "JonJon", implanted in your choice of wing (left or right). Also you will be rewarded with an automated tracking camera, grace of "Bite the Sacred Fruit, inc.", as well as an automated noise recorder, strongly suggested and provided to you by the "anointed billionaire computer nerd" himself. This is to ensure you pigeons follow the laws of the human land, water and sky, to the limits of infinity, and stop pissing off the human population. Go on, get vaccinated now pigeons. It’s time to fly freely! 

*Disclaimer: Guest opinions do not necessarily reflect the view(s) of the publisher. They are presented to encourage thought and discussion.*

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